School anxiety can be heartbreaking for parents watching their children fight going to school. School anxiety is extremely common, but it does not always look the same. For some children, school anxiety looks like a physical illness “Mommy my stomach hurts” or “Daddy, my head hurts.” Other times it can present itself in tantrums, anger, or anxiety symptoms.
For parents, it is important to note that school anxiety is NOT a behavioral problem. You are not parenting wrong nor is your child being “bad.” It is a physiological response that the brain is experiencing telling the child they are in danger. The child may know there is nothing going to harm them, but they are still experiencing the physical symptoms of a crisis.
As a psychologist who specializes in working with children, I am often asked what do you do as a parent when your child is fighting attending school? The first step is to make sure that the anxiety is not from the child being bullied, difficulties with teachers, or friends. These areas need to be addressed, but may need to be addressed differently.
If your child is experiencing anxiety the first step is to empower your child. Describe anxiety and why they are experiencing it. Things that may be a topic of discussion to your child include how different routines, different people, noises, pressures can all make them feel more anxious or overwhelmed.
Then you may wish to give your child some tools to reduce their feelings of anxiety. Great tools like mindfulness, positive self-talk, and relaxation techniques can all be helpful in soothing the brains “I’m in danger” response.
Not familiar with these skills? Reach out to Dr. Amanda Comstock for parenting support or schedule a session for your child to learn valuable skills to manage their school anxiety.
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